I recently reconnected with my Life of Riley bandmates, and we’re planning to release new material this year. Revisiting that part of my life has been really good for me. This was the band that brought me to Nashville from Miami in 1998, and hearing those old songs again has made me reflect on how much I’ve changed since then.

One thing in particular came back to me recently during a conversation with my son.

Everyone’s path is unique

Since those early days in Nashville, both I and my beliefs have evolved considerably, as I’m sure is true for many of us.

Religion and spirituality are personal and volatile subjects. Like many, I avoid these conversations, mainly because my beliefs stem from decades of experiences I can’t sum up in one talk, nor should I have to.

Everyone has experiences and paths that inform their beliefs, and those paths are rarely the same. There’s never been a sensible reason to argue these ideas to me, because everyone’s experience on this planet is unique.

The Pursuit of Sincerity

Something that has been part of my belief system for almost 30 years has been the pursuit of sincerity.

In Christianity and most religions, you’re told good deeds in this life are rewarded in the next. In Indian beliefs, it’s Karma. Life of Riley had a lyric in the song Smother The World With Glee: “Your crown is gonna get another fat star,” about Heaven’s rewards for kindness.

That line and concept never sat well with me (sorry, Tim!).

I found myself asking, where does sincerity factor in?

It is as if I asked you to go be kind to your co-worker today, and I’ll give you $100. How hard would it be to be kind to your co-worker that day? It’d probably be pretty easy.

What bothered me in Christianity and other religions was the idea of kindness as transactional, motivated by reward instead of sincerity. It isn’t genuine kindness; it’s people gaming the system for self-benefit.

It really bothered me because it felt performative instead of genuine.

Kindness With No Strings Attached

For years, after forming this belief system, I’ve pursued kindness with no strings attached.

That is, kindness not motivated by reward, but for its own sake.

But this pursuit has not always been easy. It has often caused me suffering, leading me to constantly question both my own motivations and the motivations of others.

Until today.

A Conversation With My Son

My son is 12, and sometimes he says things that open my eyes. Well, all the time, actually! Lol.

This morning, I showed him a commencement speech by Jerry Seinfeld, urging people to let go of the idea of a singular purpose, and instead focus on fascination and hard work over passion.

Here is the video, if you are interested:

Jerry’s comment, “Find fascination. Fascination is way better than passion, it’s not so sweaty,” made him think about what gamers call “sweats.” These are players who try really hard and are very good, but they take it way too seriously.

We discussed how sweats are often toxic, messaging hateful and bullying-type messages after games like “that was too easy” or “you are trash,” and my son said he kind of feels bad for them, that they feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel good.

This led to a conversation about Karma, and this is where it got interesting.

Karma

I said, karmically speaking, the toxic ‘sweats’ will be paid back for their behavior. And that goes for whether they are kind or unkind, good or bad. Karma doesn’t care if you believe it.

There is a saying, “A boomerang returns to the person who throws it.” — Vera Nazarian.

I believe what you put out there returns to you. Be kind, kindness returns. Be evil, evil returns.

One quote I also really like is:

“You cannot do harm to someone because someone has done harm to you.” — Erika Williams.

Each person’s Karma is theirs alone, good or bad. This idea will truly save you a lot of stress and energy, if you can put it into practice.

Training Wheels

Then I told him I believe that your kindness should also come from a sincere place. As I said, this has been my philosophy.

He was silent for a minute or so after i said this, then he said:

“Why would that matter, Dad?”

“If they are putting goodness into the world, that’s still a good thing, even if it is insincere.”

Then he said:

“Think of it like this, they have training wheels on their bike. They are learning to be kind. The more they do it, the more kindness will become a habit, and then they will eventually remove the training wheels and become a kind person naturally.”

Wow.

He’s right.

Only now do I realize that, all this time, I dismissed some acts of kindness because I doubted their motives—instead of seeing that kindness, no matter the motivation, is still kindness.

That co-worker will still feel kindness, even if you are getting paid $100.

So, feel free to keep smothering the world with glee, your crown will probably get another big fat star! But any insincerity, however, is your own karma to manage.

Nonetheless, more goodness in the world is never a bad thing.

Thanks, son. I think I needed this today!

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Ok, that’s all for today. Good luck out there!

#CreatSomethingGreat